Friday, April 25, 2008

Aquí

Not long ago I was mesmerized as many by a story about a young man who disapeared from his ordely life, one bound to sucess, into nothingness...Into the wild. To some selfiness, to others lack of common sense, to some bad luck, to others a true returned to nature; guided his way into perishing alone in spring on Alaska. If you want to know more, I highly recomend reading and watching Into the wild, book and movie.

As it was, stories like this have always held my attention. I once wrote a short story about a young man who casts himself out, and bounds his existence to a cave. I'm often more interested in stories of drastical changes than stories of burocratic sucess. Draw from my confession your own conclutions.

Since watching the movie and reading the book, with some friends and alone too, I've poundered about this. Also, I've reflected on my own "vanish" scenario: I don't believe the nature of inmigration separeted from that of living something behind to face a dramatical change. Those around me don't seem to see me as an inmigrant, this concept often related to a "less fortunate" group of wanderers, who come out of necesity to do whatever it takes not to go back. I, having willingly on my own two feet, with a Bachelor Degree, a second language, Graduate Studies and mingling in the circles of those who look from the window out to inmigration; don't seem to fit in the concept. Yet, that's exactly what I'm here and how I feel.

Returning to this post's original subject, I've been walking around an idea: We all vanish. We vanish from feelings, from responsabilities, from critiques, from expectations. We all, at some point, choose to fight or to retire...and more, we all desing a big bullet proof theory to justify our choice. Some do it daily, others often, others just once in a while. But to my understanding, we all do it. I've done it, and if you check (not even deeply) you'll find you have too. We all construct a spiral wall around what we did or did not do. We all make choices either to try or to give up, and we all spend the rest of the time learning how to deal and live with it.

At the end of the post, there's a song I had quite forgotten. At one point in my life, basicly when I was so sure I needed to go to achieve whatever is I wanted, I had it as a motto. It talks about a change, a desicion made from here on to change and to live differently. A few days ago I was having a drink with some friends from dance and one of them, who I have to say I never carried a long conversation before with, related very simply, calmly, truthfully and enlightingly here life story. In less than 10 mins, this women whom I admire for her courage, proved something I would never imagine I would be able to do and live to tell: she-in a perfect state of peace of mind- related to us many of life hardest trials you can imagine, and simply said "that's life, you just have to always reinvent yourself".

How many times lately have you reinvented yourself?

2 comments:

bioshaena said...

So... the question is, does this "from know on..." ever existed? or it is just away for us to cope with drastical changes on our current status....

What have you vanished from???

I relate to this vanishing concept, as you so well put it in the post. But I will also like to explore it from other perspectives....

A not intended vanishing that it is not obviuos until you have vanished per se, and that it can suddenly present itself to show you that you are not part of it anymore... or that which comes after a few years, claiming to be part of yourself again but you can not find anything to relate to it no longer....

As for the inmigrant status, it might well be true for the categorization given to us by those around ourselfs... but for ourselfs the vanished condition keeps reminding us the were are inmigrants indeed...

Shere said...

I, for one, am still vanishing from who I was. I feel the pieces dropping along.

As you say, I believe we inmigrants will always be remembering our status as such. We are not a full part from here, neither from where we came from anymore.